If you’re not swept up in holiday cheer this year, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you. For many people, this time of year can bring more pressure than joy. It can feel like everyone else is celebrating while you’re just trying to keep your head above water.
If that’s where you are right now, it’s okay. Let’s explore why this season might feel difficult and how you can show up for yourself with kindness and care.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Hard
1. Grief and Loss Feel Heavier
The holidays often shine a harsh spotlight on what—or who—is missing. Whether it’s the first year without someone you love, or you’re revisiting a loss from long ago, this time of year can bring those feelings into sharp focus.
Anniversaries of loss, especially during the festive season, can deepen that ache. Even if it’s not the exact date, memories, traditions, and reminders can bring grief to the surface in unexpected ways.
2. Expectations Can Be Overwhelming
The pressure to be merry, buy the perfect gifts, and attend every gathering can feel suffocating. Life doesn’t pause just because it’s December. Work, finances, and relationships still demand your energy, leaving little room for joy.
3. Family Relationships Can Be Complicated
For some, family gatherings are a source of comfort. For others, they bring tension, conflict, or feelings of disconnection. Navigating these dynamics can be emotionally exhausting.
4. Loneliness Can Be Amplified
The holidays can highlight what you don’t have—a partner, close family, or a circle of friends. Even if you’re surrounded by people, it’s possible to feel isolated when you don’t feel understood or connected.
5. The Weather Doesn’t Help
Short days, long nights, and colder weather can sap your energy and impact your mood. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real challenge for many, making it even harder to muster holiday cheer.
6. You Compare Your Pain to Others
You might find yourself thinking, “Other people have it worse than me—I should just be grateful.” But here’s the truth: your pain isn’t less valid because someone else is struggling. Pain isn’t a competition, and your feelings matter. You are allowed to hurt, even if someone else is hurting too.
How to Take Care of Yourself This Season
1. Let Yourself Feel What You’re Feeling
You don’t have to force yourself to be happy. If you’re grieving, tired, or overwhelmed, that’s okay. Honour your feelings by sitting with them rather than pushing them away. Journaling, talking with someone you trust, or simply taking quiet time for yourself can help you process those emotions.
2. Release the Pressure to Be “Festive”
There’s no rule that says you have to celebrate the holidays in a certain way—or at all. Let go of the “shoulds” and focus on what feels manageable for you. Maybe that’s skipping big gatherings, saying no to stressful plans, or even treating it as just another day.
3. Create Space for Grief
If you’re mourning a loved one, consider ways to honour them during the season. You could light a candle in their memory, listen to a song that reminds you of them, or talk about them with someone who understands. If it’s an anniversary of their passing, give yourself permission to mark the day however feels right, whether that’s quietly reflecting or leaning on others for support.
4. Focus on Small, Comforting Moments
You don’t need grand gestures to find moments of peace. Wrap yourself in a cosy blanket, sip a hot drink, take a warm bath, or step outside for fresh air. Small acts of care can help ground you and bring a sense of calm.
5. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy
It’s okay to say no to plans that feel overwhelming. You don’t need to explain or justify your choices. Try responses like:
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I need to take care of myself this year.”
“I’m keeping things low-key right now, but I appreciate the invite.”
6. Build New Traditions
If old traditions bring more pain than joy, consider creating new ones. Watch your favourite movies, cook a meal that feels comforting, or spend time volunteering. Traditions don’t need to follow a set script—they can be whatever brings you comfort.
7. Seek Connection in Small Ways
If loneliness is weighing you down, look for moments of connection that feel manageable. This could be a phone call with a friend, joining an online community, or even exchanging a few kind words with a neighbour. Connection doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.
8. Remember: Your Pain Is Valid
If you catch yourself comparing your struggles to others, pause. Remind yourself: “My feelings matter. My pain matters. I matter.” There’s no need to minimize your experience. You deserve compassion, no matter what.
9. Reach Out for Support
If the season feels too heavy to navigate alone, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Talking to a therapist, a support group, or even a trusted friend can make a world of difference. You don’t have to carry this alone.
You Deserve Care—Right Now
The holidays can look different for everyone. They don’t have to be joyful or magical for you to get through them. Sometimes, surviving is enough.
This season, give yourself permission to feel what you feel, to grieve, to rest, and to care for yourself in ways that feel right for you. You are important, and your well-being matters—today, and every day.
Christmas is a really difficult time of year. This is a really helpful blog! Just normalising that fact can be so so helpful on it's own.